some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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