This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
