How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
