guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
