I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
