wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
