I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
