I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
