Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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