What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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