I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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