She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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