I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
