I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
