just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
