I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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