Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love having hate sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
