dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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