on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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