can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
