Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
