Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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