so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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