I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
