Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
