Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
