If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
