I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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