good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize