Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
