I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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