i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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