Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
