I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
