Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize