Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
