Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
