I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
