hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
