the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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