Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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