I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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