I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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