Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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