I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
