In the future we'll all be gay
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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