Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
