I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
