I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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