Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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