So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
