Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
