BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i think my cat just said my name.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
