she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
