Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
