is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
