just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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