oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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