Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
