don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are two peas in an std pod
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
