I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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