Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
