Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
